I belong to an e-group of people who have elected to, for lack of a better way to say it, trust a Higher Power to determine the size of their families. No, they are not all Mormon or all Catholic -- two religions traditionally known for larger families because of their respective doctrinal teachings.
Instead, most of the families in this group are something else -- mainline Protestants -- and it makes for a nice mix of viewpoints on many topics.
Many of these folks are homeschoolers and that's how I originally got turned on to their site and decided to subscribe. I figured that if parents of five, six, eight or even larger numbers of children were brave and committed enough to homeschool them all, I could learn a lot about juggling my brood of only four. I was right, and in the couple of years I've been privileged to read these "large family" posts, I have learned a lot not only about homeschooling but also about just how insidious our culture has become when it comes to shaping our beliefs about what we should be valuing.
In an earlier post I lamented the death of a New York Walmart employee who was trampled by shoppers eager to get a good deal. That event is but a microcosm of a much bigger, much scarier worldview that has come to define not only the United States but the West in general -- that things are more important than people.
Hear me out before you scoff and say something like, "Well, that's just silly. Of course I and everyone I know value people over things. We love our children, we love our parents, friends, etc. and we'd do anything for them."
Of course you do, and I would never say otherwise, nor do I mean to imply that this problem of things over people can be found in every person.
But society at large, the media in all its forms, even the religious institutions, talk out of both sides of their mouths on this issue and few people seem to call them down for it.
Case in point, many good Christians with whom I am personally acquainted would likely defend to their last breath the notion that purposely limiting the size of one's family is not in conflict with Biblical teaching. I won't argue that with them because religious understanding as one applies it to their life is highly personal and is ultimately between that person and God.
But what of those folks who, as committed Christians, believe the Bible instructs them to let God determine a family's size? Are they equally lauded in the Christian culture as having a correct interpretation of Scripture?
Hardly.
Rather, the no-birth-control crowd gets funny looks, sarcastic remarks, intrusive questions, and outright scorn, all the while struggling to live out their faith with as little fanfare as possible.
The worst part is that so much of the ridicule and unwanted advice comes from their fellow Christians and often as not the critics are members of their own family or are close friends. A good friend of mine, when pregnant with her third and fourth children (twins) endured her fair share of nasty comments from people in her own church! Another friend was told by a family member rather bluntly to "just stop this" and to have no more. And one of the most popular questions on the larger family e-group I mentioned? How to avoid negative remarks when announcing the impending arrival of yet another baby.
This is so sad to me. It's like joy and congratulations are reserved for only the first or second born, they are tempered with cautionary remarks at the birth of a third, and the impending arrival of Baby 4 or 5 sends folks right over the edge.
Why? Why do some Christians deride the notion that the more children God sends to families who want them, the better off those families are? If the Bible says children are blessings, then why do some folks think you should limit blessings?
Would they say the same thing if they had a million dollars and someone wanted to give them a million more?
The low-child-no-child crowd -- believers and athiests alike -- virtually always approach the question from the standpoint of money and material gain. As in, the more children you have the less money per child you have to spend. Or, the more children you have the fewer things you can give them. Or, the more children you have the less money you have to spend on yourself, and what about saving for retirement or buying a new widget? And on and on it goes.
Money is more important than children and anyone trusting God with their family planning must surely be equally foolish to trust Him with providing for that family, regardless of its size.
The same no-more-children crowd may grudgingly let go of the money argument to point out instead that larger families drain resources, crowd cities, suck up all the good air, eat up all the food, and in general burden society at large with their very existence. "Just look at Africa," they say. "All those children starving to death when a hefty dose of birth control pills would've nipped that problem in the bud."
If no more children were born in Africa would things magically improve? Would its various economies rebound and ethnic fighting cease? Would AIDS vanish?
No, because too many of Africa's ills are the outgrowth of decades of tribal disputes and governmental abuses that are so deeply entrenched they are nigh impossible to root out and resolve. Babies are not the problem in Africa, grownups are.
Babies aren't the problem in other countries, either. In fact, there is a dawning realization that they may be the answer if certain cultures are to survive.
In Japan, in Russia, and in much of Western Europe, the birth rate has fallen so sharply over the past several decades that their populations are at or below replacement levels. A population heavy with aged people cannot sustain itself. Who will work in the factories and fields? Who will pay into pension systems? Who will occupy schools and churches and preserve heritages and languages if everyone ages and dies out and there's no one to follow?
Immigration is proving to be the answer to the dilemma in parts of Europe and in the U.S. People from largely Catholic Mexico come to America, legally or not, and fill our cities, schools and communities. Muslims, traditionally inclined against limiting family size, are immigrating into England and France, providing children who will someday be young adults to work the jobs that pay into the pensions of the elderly. The cultures of countries heavy on immigration are beginning to change and that's fine as long as everyone understands what this means for the outgoing society.
Some folks are way too quick to assume that babies and children are one of life's biggest burdens, the inconvenience to end all inconveniences, a circumstance to be endured or tolerated until it improves by virtue of the kids growing up.
I feel sorry for them.
The next time you encounter a larger than average family, especially one with well behaved or helpful children, take a minute to say something nice to the parents. Chances are, they've heard their fair share of ugly remarks as each baby was born, and your kind words will be a sort of affirmation that neither they nor God made a mistake. Chances are that while their many children may indeed pose challenges that the parent of one or two doesn't have, those parents may find something so rewarding in all of it that the tough times are a small price to pay for the privilege of raising a basketball team.
I propose that any child is a gift from God and, further, that this world would be a jawdroppingly amazing place if every government, every military, every educator, every clergyperson, every citizen really believed it and dealt with children and their families accordingly.
Maybe then Africa wouldn't flounder, Europe wouldn't fade, and those of us with more than 2.3 children wouldn't be called rabbits, rednecks, irresponsible or just downright stupid.
More on this topic in future 'blogs.
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