Is this what God does?

I'm not pretentious enough to claim to know the mind of God so what follows is purely speculation in the name of good, clean philosophizing.

My son, soon to be five, has had his birthday party cancelled and the presents returned to the store. A decidedly unfestive air hangs over our house as we approach what should typically be a monumental day in any kid's life.

You're probably asking yourself what happened. I can sum it up in two words -- bad behavior.

My children live comfortable lives and want for nothing. They have all the basic needs -- food, shelter and clothing -- fully met as well as a boatload of "wants" -- toys, books, activities, education.

We've done our dead-level best as parents to cover all the bases in the hopes our kids will grow up to be the productive members of society so desperately lacking in some quarters rather than the shiftless pieces of crap that haunt the halls of places like Congress or the insurance giant AIG.

But even the best-intentioned parents make mistakes and I can only conclude we've made a big one. We haven't let our kids suffer enough consequences for rotten behaviors. Oh sure, we issue time-outs, removal of privileges, etc. but we seldom bring the hammer down with memorable consequences.

Only evil parents do that, right?

I'm not so sure.

Before I finish the story of my badly-behaved son, I am reminded of an incident a few years back in which a father, disgusted by his sons' obnoxious actions, auctioned off that year's highly coveted video game system on eBay. He reasoned that his sons had done nothing to deserve the expensive toy, explaining that their behavior as Christmas approached got worse and worse.

So to teach them a lesson in the pitfalls of ingratitude, he sold their super-fabulous gaming system.

Public opinion was sharply divided, much to my dismay. Where was the unanimous support for a parent standing up to rotten behavior? Had society given up on the possibility that horsey kids can and SHOULD be corralled?

Apparently some did because the father was publicly castigated for his cruel and unusual punishment. To his credit, he stood his ground and the boys did not get their game.

I supported that dad and filed away his story for future reference and inspiration.

Today I dug it out of deep memory as I pronounced my son's fifth birthday party cancelled.

So what did happen to cause this extreme shift in my intentions? Namely, that from the minute my son woke up this morning he complained -- about the clothes he'd been given to wear to church, about the way I brushed his hair (the same way I've always brushed it), about the fact I wanted him to eat breakfast, about the family's tradition of going to church on Sundays, about something I said to him, and finally about not making his breakfast after he refused to eat anything I suggested.

In a split second it came to me: This child is ungrateful and does not deserve a party or presents or accolades in the wake of such utterly obnoxious behavior. If he doesn't appreciate on some basic kid-level what he already has, why would he care about anything else he might get?

Now I know some of you are going to say, "But he's ONLY four years old going on five. How much gratitude should you realistically expect from someone that age?"

By the time a child is old enough to understand reciprocity -- the giving and taking inherent in all social relationships -- he or she is old enough to understand that if you take and take without ever giving, you will get little to nothing in return.

The same naysayer argument could be used to justify the bad behaviors of the guys at AIG and Enron or Bernie Madoff. "Hey, they're just human/in their 50s,/depressed/etc. How much integrity should we realistically expect from someone like that?"

See how ridiculous it gets when taken just a bit further?

The fact is that personal responsibility has to be learned and it starts as soon as children are old enough to argue, to reason, to observe and comment on what they see. It starts as soon as they're old enough to engage in a conversation about things like the Ten Commandments, the notion of right and wrong (moral relativism aside), and the importance of character.

My son is there. He can articulate right from wrong, give examples of both, and understands the concept of consequences.

If we don't teach him now that repeated bad behavior will bring no blessing, only cursing, exactly when will we teach it? How will he learn it if his own family doesn't summon the courage to set boundaries?

I'll tell you how. He'll learn it when he's 18 or 19 and out on his own and the world kicks back hard against his unruly ways. The world will not love him enough to care where he ends up or what trouble he finds himself in. The world will build him up just to tear him down.

Our job as parents is to build discipline, character and integrity into our children so that they will escape the worst of what the world has to offer.

To do anything less is to essentially do nothing at all.

If there are any hand-wringers reading this, don't lose sleep. The birthday cake was bought before the party was axed, so on my son's actual birthday we'll gather as a family, put a candle on it, sing and eat. There's one present I can't send back so he'll still get that, too.

But the party, the big coveted chance to be a star? That's gone, and no doubt my son will ask again what happened and why. When he does, we'll have the opportunity to tell him how much we love him and why that love means we simply cannot reward bad behavior.

What the world doesn't love him enough to say, we will.

And that, in my opinion, is what parenting is really all about.

I have to wonder if this is what God does sometimes, too. What if, when we turn from Him, he continues to love us and doesn't punish us per se but simply withholds whatever blessing He had next in the pipeline for us?

What if the secret to receiving more is to first give thanks and appreciate what we already have and to live it like we mean it?

Reciprocity. Could it be a universal law after all?