They call THIS socialization?

Veteran homeschoolers roll their eyes when they hear it. Newbies fidget and frantically search for facts to justify the decision to teach their own.

People like me, somewhere between veteran and first-timer, just laugh. Sometimes we even do this out loud.

"Socialization."

As in, "How can your kids be properly socialized if they're with you all day intead of among hundreds of other kids just like them?"

The old adage about the blind leading the blind is surfacing here, but I digress.

It would help a lot if critics of homeschooling would at least use the skills they obtained in public school to look up the word in a dictionary -- assuming the schools have time to actually teach dictionary skills what with all the other claptrap they are mandated to provide.

But we'll leave that for another 'blog (and likely another, and another, and another after that).

What I want to explore this night is a policy apparently well-known to my contemporaries who have children in public school. It addresses the distribution of birthday party invitations.

Now, you wouldn't think the schools would have time to micromanage something as mundane as birthday party invitations but not only do they do it, they have official policies in place to make sure the invites are handled correctly.

It goes something like this: If your child wants to have a birthday party and invite his or her closest friends from class, he or she can do one of three things -- invite all girls only, invite all boys only, or (my personal favorite) invite every single kid in the class.

This is to keep those who didn't get invited from having their feelings hurt and then having to listen to those who did get invited talk about what a fabulous time they had at Build A Bear or Chuck E. Cheese.

In short, this policy teaches kids that you always win, you're always included, you're always wanted. It also teaches them that you must always include everyone, even the jerk who steals your new pencils, breaks your new crayons for fun, or bullies you on the playground.

It lies.

The way the REAL world works -- you know, the world we homeschoolers supposedly don't prepare our kids to handle once they're on their own -- is much different.

Your co-worker may get a promotion and you don't.
The guy who just passed you going 90 mph down the freeway escapes the cop's radar while you, trudging along at an equally illegal but slower 75 mph, get a speeding ticket.
Some women may marry millionaires, others will marry solid blue-collar types.
Some men will marry beauty queens who stay that way nearly forever. Others, like my husband, will marry the more plain but no less loyal and loving gal.
A guy steals your horse, you can run him down and turn him over to the sheriff. You don't have to invite him to Sunday dinner. Ever.

In short, life is NOT fair. It is NOT equal, and it DOES come with hurt feelings from time to time. You also have the option as an adult to spend time with kindred spirits and let the rest of the people in your sphere who are differently minded than you do their own thing.

My homeschooled children understand this. They know they are not invited to every party, every playdate, not even every private family affair. They're okay with this because we've taken the time to teach them there are alternatives to just about anything going on that doesn't involve them and that because they ARE involved in enough things missing out occasionally will not cause them to stop breathing.

Not invited to so-and-so's party? Hey, let's sit down and plan our next get-together with friends. Not asked to a playdate even though you know your other friends were invited? No big deal, you'll get an invite next time or maybe we could ask them all to come over here! Little brother took your doll carriage? Go get it back and play without him until he can settle down and be nice.

Public school doesn't socialize its children. It sets up fake, insincere scenarios in which everyone must pretend to get along or risk punishment.

I maintain that children who never learn to face and handle disappointments grow up to be adults who lack resilience, confidence, and the ability to cultivate a sense of self worth independent of what other people think or do.

It's the job of parents to prepare their children for independent living. It's the job of schools to give them the necessary academic tools to enhance this.

How did the wires get so badly crossed?