Hope in a 6" x 9" envelope

Our family decided to do something different this year. We have four children already, but we agreed we could use a couple more so we looked into the program for child sponsorship offered by World Vision and we liked what we learned.

We are delighted to include Suela and Tatevik in our thoughts, prayers, and hopes for a better world for all children.

Suela is 11 and she lives in Albania, one of the poorest countries in the Mediterranean region. Albania is small, mountainous, and largely Muslim. Its greatest child-related problem is an inordinately large population of street children -- all ages, both genders -- and the evils of international child trafficking.

Tatevik is also 11 and lives in a rural region of Armenia, a former Soviet republic and now independent and struggling to pull itself up by the proverbial bootstraps. Its greatest child-related problem is just plain old poverty and a lack of solid educational opportunities in the more remote areas.

My girls refer to Suela and Tatevik as "the girls overseas." This is good. I want my children to think about someone besides themselves, to realize that not everyone in the world lives like we do in America, that not every young girl has a closet of nice clothes, books to read, or toys to enjoy. Nevermind the realities of no indoor plumbing or heating.

Once we got our sponsorship packets from World Vision we began strategizing as to how we can best help these girls. Obviously, our monthly donation (about what we'd spend to eat out as a family of 7) is important. But we also have the opportunity to send them small gifts.

The hitch? They must fit in an envelope no bigger than 6" by 9" -- about the dimensions of a large paperback book.

Other than sending trinkets or small school supplies like pencils and notepads, what else will fit?

You might be surprised. I know we are!

We've discovered that, folded, rolled or positioned just right, we can fit a fleece pullover. Or a bookbag.

The possibilities are endless, and as we go about our regular errands we will now be on the lookout for things that we can send to "the girls overseas."

I am heartened by my daughters' enthusiasm to share. Neither of them balked when I brought home an entire back of girly odds and ends from the store -- the very things my girls love to have -- only to tell them that it was all for Suela and Tatevik. They seemed to understand that no matter what we send to Albania or Armenia, it is but a drop in the bucket compared to what they will always have.

If you, dear readers, have ever enjoyed the challenge of seeing how many football players can fit in a phone booth, how many college students can stuff into a Volkswagon, or how many giggly girls can fit inside one elevator car, consider visiting www.worldvision.org.

For just $35 a month per child, you too can put to use the geometry you learned in school and thought you'd never need.

What can YOU fit in a 6" x 9" envelope? Don't sit there wondering. Go find out!!!!!!!!!

On the cusp of a new year

In just a few hours, 2009 will be in the past and, as I do at every year's end, I find myself pondering the possibilities inherent in a brand new year. I also like to think back on the lessons I learned in the year ending.

I'm not much for making New Year's resolutions. I think resolutions ought to be made and their achievement attempted as we go through our everyday lives. My faith teaches that I am to constantly "press toward the mark of the high calling in Christ Jesus," in other words to make everything I do and say edify God in some way just as Christ did.

I'm not called to do this on January 1, but every day. And just as most people's resolutions begin to wane a few months into the new year as their old habits and the vagaries of life muddy up things, so do I struggle to make my daily words and deeds worthy of presentation to God.

It's hard, and I often fail. The difference, though, is that every minute becomes a fresh opportunity to right my wrong, fix what I broke, or seek forgiveness for a misdeed. A perpetual work in progress, to be sure.

Looking back into 2009, I offer up the things I learned -- in no particular order -- in the hope they might save someone else from having to learn similar lessons the hard, firsthand way:

Having a child in the hospital is worse than just about anything else, except maybe having a child off fighting in a war.

Homeschooling is still better than anything public or paid private education can offer.

A whole year of not watching TV has made ME smarter. (My kids have never watched.)

Growing older is not bad as long as you don't grow dumber. I don't fight the former, but I do the latter.

Anytime a politician makes a promise he or she will only be able to keep a precious fraction of it.

Atheists think those who believe in God are irrational. I think it's the other way around.

You really can overcome your fear of public speaking if you have something you passionately want to impart to others.

When it comes to old friends, you are fortunate to get a second chance at knowing them.

Suicide is still a bad idea.

It's true that children should be seen, but I think it's also important that they be heard.

One child is a blessing. Four children are more than I deserve. I am humbled.

Boys should always be different than girls and we'd do well as a culture to nurture that fact.

Every single day I wake up with the physical wherewithal to do the things that need doing is a gift of immeasurable value.

Our parents and grandparents learned to do more with less. My generation has managed to do the opposite and it pains me beyond words.

Faith without works is dead. But so are works without faith.

Income redistribution never solved anything.

No matter how much I don't have, I still have more than I need.

And finally, my all-time favorite saying still holds true: "He who hesitates is lost."

From China, just in time for Christmas

Nothing says Christmas like cheap junk from China. Unless it's one-sided advice.

The Copenhagen conference on climate change/global warming/upcoming apocalypse featured a Chinese official who earnestly counseled attendees on the importance of population control as a remedy for what ails us all.

Quoting from an article in the China Daily (12/10/09):

"Population and climate change are intertwined but the population issue has remained a blind spot when countries discuss ways to mitigate climate change and slow down global warming, according to Zhao Baige, vice-minister of National Population and Family Planning Commission of China (NPFPC) .

Although China's family planning policy has received criticism over the past three decades, Zhao said that China's population program has made a great historic contribution to the well-being of society.

As a result of the family planning policy, China has seen 400 million fewer births, which has resulted in 18 million fewer tons of CO2 emissions a year, Zhao said.

She admitted that China's population program is not without consequences, as the country is entering the aging society fast and facing the problem of gender imbalance.

"I'm not saying that what we have done is 100 percent right, but I'm sure we are going in the right direction and now 1.3 billion people have benefited," she said.

She said some 85 percent of the Chinese women in reproductive age use contraceptives, the highest rate in the world. This has been achieved largely through education and improvement of people's lives, she said.

And forced abortion, incentives to snitch on your pregnant neighbor, and imprisonment.

Oh, and let's not forget the orphanages throughout China crowded with abandoned babies (mostly girls) whose mothers could not safely or legally keep them.

For more on China's wonderful family planning program, Google the name Wei Linrong. Linrong, at 7 months into her pregnancy, was carted off to hospital by government officials and forcibly injected with poisons that resulted in a stillbirth.

The Virginia-based non-profit Population Research Council reports that of the more than 13 million abortions performed in China every year, most are forced and are the direct result of China's "one-child" policy.

Is this really what the world should embrace?

The mothers of damaged children

My daughter is autistic.

To be more specific, she has Asperger's Syndrome, a form of autism that some experts argue should not be called autism but instead given its own special category. Others say autism is autism, regardless of the degree to which it manifests.

Day to day, mothers like me don't really care. All we know is that our lives are different -- in some ways more lonely -- than those of our peers whose children are "normal."

My daughter has a brilliant mind. It's so brilliant, in fact, that it frustrates me endlessly because her ability to communicate and demonstrate what she really knows and can do is hog-tied by some sort of neurological glitch -- a barricade that prevents the "real" her from shining through.

I will probably never know exactly why my daughter has Asperger's. In my darker moments, I've struggled with the guilt that maybe I should have eaten something different during the pregnancy, taken my pre-natal vitamins more religiously (they made me nauseous so I sometimes skipped them), refused the epidural in the delivery room (did the drug they used cross the placenta and somehow damage the baby?), or just said "no" to the forceps the obstetrician used to pull her out when she got stuck halfway. Was it the Hepatitis B shot or the Vitamin K injection routinely given at birth? They both likely still had mercury preservatives in them the year my daughter was born. I've combed through my memories of relatives who had eccentric or weird behaviors -- was this genetic? And when no answers come, I agonize over what the future holds for a beautiful girl with such pronounced difficulties.

Asperger's primarily afflicts social skills -- reciprocal communication, turn-taking, staying on topic, reading others' body language, using humor or having tact at the right moments. All things neurotypical people take for granted.

What little is known about Asperger's is the same "little" that is known about autism in general. The primary differences between the two are that children like my daughter developed language on time, their intellect is not shadowed by hints of mental retardation, and they are generally very teachable both academically and practically.

It all sounds good, doesn't it?

The problem lies in the day-to-day training, teaching, reminding, re-training, re-teaching. It lies in the $120 per week social skills therapy sessions that our insurance will not cover because my daughter's problem was not caused by illness or injury that we can prove. It lies in the deep-seated fear that no matter how much money we spend, no matter how much time we take, the end result will be someone who can never live independently and may never fully understand why. Worse yet, they may not care.

In some ways, people with Asperger's have it tougher. Outwardly, they appear so normal. Sometimes, if the phase of the moon is just right and the stars are properly aligned, they say and do the socially acceptable thing at just the right moment. People who don't know them well are led to believe they're just "regular" people, too.

But like the guest at a party who starts out lively and likeable before drinking so much he becomes weird and off-putting, the Asperger's sneaks in and compels the person to say something out of context, off topic, or otherwise just plain awkward. That's when you can see the distancing that takes place as peers, adults, and even family members start to pull away.

They're uncomfortable. They know how to feel sympathy (or pity?) for someone in a wheelchair, someone obviously disabled. They don't quite know what to do with someone who looks so deceptively fine until that person opens their mouth.

But the mothers of children with Asperger's know all too well what to do. The routine is familiar by now and wearisome in its repetition. Take the child aside, remind them of the relevent trick or tip they've learned in therapy, reassure them everything is okay (even when you're not sure it is) and send them back into the group in a sort of desperate sink-or-swim maneuver.

Children with Asperger's usually get invited to parties. Once.
Same for playdates.

Usually, the only thing that saves them is if they have siblings who are not autistic. Then, they get to tag along because the neurotypical sibling has been invited and parents feel bad about excluding anyone. Playdates work because their siblings do all the interacting and playing, so visiting kids don't mind coming over now and then, although they learn pretty quickly to avoid the child with Asperger's.

As I sit in the waiting room of the speech center where my daughter goes for social skills therapy, I watch the other mothers of children who come there in search of their own magic bullet. Some of the kids are deaf, some have Down Syndrome, some are severely autistic with language that consists of little more than grunts and shrieks, and some are like my child -- developmentally delayed just enough to need intervention.

As I watch these other mothers struggle with their writhing, screaming, crying, grunting, socially challenged children, I wonder at their capacity to love. I marvel at their ability to cajole and corral. And I realize all over again that I am one of them, the mother of a child the world says is damaged and who must be fixed.

And once again I debate whether I have the luxury of time to cry and pity myself or whether just like every other day for the past nine years I must summon the courage to plow ahead.

The tears last for a few minutes. The plowing, for the rest of my life.

Educated and STILL ignorant

"People of different heritage, people of different culture, tolerance, group problem-solving, making friends, losing friends — all of the things that come with a public school education."

Yes, yes. This is a direct quote from a news story carried by Fox about a case in New Hampshire that involves a 10 year-old girl who is homeschooled.

The child's parents are divorced, and awhile back a court ordered the girl back into public school because she too vigorously defended her religious beliefs during a court-ordered counseling session. The girl's parents are divorced and the above quote is from the father's attorney.

The argument here is that the father is concerned his daughter -- who by all accounts is likable, sociable and, yes, academically on par or advanced relative to her peers -- is not getting everything she needs because she is, gasp, being taught at home.

Sadly, we assume our attorneys are well educated. After all, they are supposed to be able to argue from standpoints of logic, reason, precedence, cultural relevance, the Constitution, right?

All the things that ostensibly come with a public school education CAN come with a homeschool education, too. It just takes pulling one's head out of dark environs to see this.